Restless nights of a furtive fugitive...

Wed Aug 18, 2004

A fugitive from my own inevitable doom to be sure…It’s been a rough couple of weeks. The workload quadrupled overnight as my practicum kicked in two weeks ago. Since then I’ve been racking my brains 24-7, trying to come up with decent lesson plans. I’ve taken to cornering the students and desperately interviewing them…What do you want to do tomorrow? Isn’t there anything you want to learn about? What do you find fun? Last week was particularly hellish, my mentor teacher was a notorious nazi with dragon blood in her veins. It was a beginner class, not exactly my forte, but I tried my best. Didn’t get such a hot evaluation, but at least dragon-lady gave me some good feedback. This week I’ve had the advanced class, which suits me better, because I’m more “intellectual” whatever that means, and can engage the students in analytical thought. My evaluation is substantially better and my mentor teacher is way more laid back. Here is something I wrote about a week ago:

I feel like I’m being unceasingly pummeled, my disposition is bruised, I’m having blackouts. The black and blue of my mind is almost tangible, I can feel the thickness of the blood as it wells after each blow. A perpetual plane-wreck getting pushed over the edge of sanity. Sunlight is foreign and feels forbidden, yet I yearn for it…I wish I could drink in the green of the trees and the blue of the skies and get drunk on beauty. I wish the war wasn’t brought to be bear on me, it’s seems unfair that I have no comrades, no brethren to share the assault, to absorb the blows…

Anyways, there is light at the end of the tunnel, and then another tunnel and then another tunnel and so on as the pessimist express chugs on through this world. I guess I’m kind of worried about finding a job. Well, all things in good time Antoine, right now I’ll just concentrate on getting through the week.



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