wordbit

The shame of being a jock

Anyone who grew up in the 80s will remember Revenge of the Nerds. The movie made ruthless fun of nerds, while offering them an olive branch in the form of Hollywood catharsis. My, how times have changed.

Now, social awkwardness is endearing. Comic-book movies are cool. Gadgets, gaming, and tech are in. Kids want to be programmers and engineers. Their parents want them to do well in math and science - in short, they want their kids to be nerds.

What happened to the jocks? Are they out there somewhere, hosting secret Superbowl parties, covertly snapping towels at each other, and anxiously awaiting the release of Revenge of the Jocks? One thing’s for sure - they’re not holding their heads high anymore. The nerds won. And I for one welcome our new overlords (had to say it).

Pirate’s sanctuary?

Last month, the Swedish government recognized The church of Kopimism as an official religion. The central tenet of this church is that the exchange of information is holy. The church has its own constitution, symbols, and even hymns. Worship consists of a digital service in which files are shared. Of course, to avoid litigious persecution, participants in “worship” must encrypt their traffic.

Now, you may have gotten sufficiently caught up in the recent SOPA and PIPA protests to think this is fantastic. Except, it isn’t. A free and open Internet is a noble cause, absolutely. Free = good. But listen: piracy = bad. When does the free and open exchange of information cross over into base thievery? Who knows anymore. The debate over creative ownership and copyright rages on and a complete solution continues to be elusive.

But one thing I do know - The church of Kopimism (Copy+Me+ism - get it?) is a thinly-veiled mockery. Take a look at this video as a Christ-like figure bathed in an eerie blue glow shows us how to perform the sacred Ctrl-C and Ctrl-V cut and paste gestures:

These guys make The Jedi Church and The Church of Scientology seem mildly credible. A pirate’s sanctuary? More like a desperate joke that undermines the whole open movement.

Dry and dorky

I came upon this recently - perhaps you’ve seen it in your neighbourhood? Nah, didn’t think so. This atrocious umbrella is a fantastic example of great engineering, but poor design. Terrible, insufferable design.

The Nubrella has a spec sheet that would make a meteorologist drool: aerodynamic, ergonomic, hands-free, and will never invert in a hurricane-force gale. But the trade-off is that you are transformed into a giant bobble head.

Nubrella, you can shower me with pictures of fashionable models sporting this monstrosity all you want but that will never impute a sense of style to your product. You can now join Vibram Five Fingers and full-body mosquito nets in the pantheon of most embarrassing trends of the 21st century.

Occupy Hastings Street

The world’s top 1 percent of wealthy people are being discriminated against! Let’s band together and fight for the rights of wealthy citizens without whose economic and philanthropic contributions, the world will be a poorer place.

The fact of the matter is, not everybody on this planet can live in a mansion, drive a Ferrari, and eat caviar every night. The world’s resources are finite and such a lavish lifestyle is unsustainable. So why begrudge the rich for being stewards of our limited resources? Due to their hard work or inheritance, these people have been given the arduous task of managing vast financial empires that reach into every aspect of our lives. Do the sheep begrudge the shepherds? No! Nor should those who live lives that are nasty, brutish and short discriminate out of feelings of fear and envy.

This is a call for the wealthy to band together and occupy the poorest neighbourhoods in Vancouver. We plan for a march through the Downtown Eastside and a peaceful occupation of tent cities where the non-tax-paying homeless languish with idle hands.

If you are in the top 1 percent, contact me to discuss where to send your financial contribution to this worthy cause! With your considerable fund-raising clout, we can be sure to raise more than enough to generate a marketing campaign and spark a new social movement to counter the rampant discrimination souring the reputation of the world’s most noble citizens.